Adaptable

Struggle!

the friend zone doesnt exist!!!

higu:

adaptable:

adaptable:

gdragon420:

if you believe in one you are a giant misogynist SORRY
being nice doesnt automatically qualify you for everything you want

i wish i could be so naive as to think opening a door for a girl or just acting like a good human being means i can smang it

My…

I think that’s true in general, but that’s because of our society, not because the idea of the friend zone is inherently misogynist.  Also, your analysis seems somewhat heteronormative, which is unusual for you.  I think it would be reasonable to say, “Gender relations in America are inherently unbalanced—an example is that if a girl puts a guy in the friend zone, she is often characterized as frigid, whereas if a guy puts a girl into the friend zone, nobody questions it.”  From most of my personal experience, which I think I can safely say is more progressive than America on average, if a girl isn’t that into a guy, she just isn’t that into him, and it’s treated the same way that a guy isn’t that into a girl is treated, which is as a normal, but sort of sad phenomenon.  It is a little reductionist to say that “believing in the idea of a friend zone” is misogynist—it would be similar to saying, “if you believe in the idea of asking someone out on a date you are a misogynist” because if the girl rejects the guy, she is usually perceived as frigid, and girls are generally discouraged from asking out guys.  These are societal problems, but not necessarily problems with the institution of asking someone out on a date, or in the friend zone idea, unrequited feelings.

i’m speaking in heteronormative terms because this seems to be a heteronormative issue.  it’s a power relationship between men and women.  it isn’t simply being rejected.  it’s being rejected and then placing yourself in the place as the victim and blaming the person for your emotional wounds.  the thing is, women often can’t do that; they aren’t allowed to.  if a woman is rejected it is her fault.  if a man is rejected it is still the woman’s fault.  the friend zone is a sense of entitlement that women don’t have access to.

when a woman is rejected she is told it is because she isn’t good enough in some standard or her actions were “too strong” or “too meek”.  she’s made to feel guilty for her failures.

when a man is rejected it’s too bad because he is a really great guy and he will always be there for the woman even though she does not realize how great she is, but one day she will stop being silly about what she wants and realize that he is perfect for her.  friend zones and “nice guys” go hand in hand because they’re both creepy and blatantly misogynistic and the result is you get communities of men who hate women because THEY JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!  it doesn’t help that “friend zoned” relationships in popular culture are almost always told from a male perspective.

either way “friend zone” is a bullshit term because you have to “be friend zoned” which actively puts the blame on the other person and that is dumb regardless of gender (~or orientation~).

So to clarify: we agree that there is a social imbalance between men and women that it is easier for men to reject women than for women to reject men.  I completely agree with you.  And I completely agree with you that it sucks that men get so upset about being put in the friend zone, and that the women who do the putting can be looked down upon.

The friend zone is something that everyone in the world who has romantic feelings for other people is entitled to.  Women are absolutely entitled to it, whether they like it or not.  If a woman said, “That guy just put me in the friend zone,” even die-hard misogynists would not think that was weird to say, or somehow above her station.  It just means the guy isn’t that into her.

If a girl complained to you, “I tried to get XXXXX to ask me out on a date, but we’re just going to watch Star Wars—I think he’s put me in the friend zone, this sucks” it doesn’t make sense to accuse her of misogyny.

If you are not taking the tack of, “the friend zone is misogynist” anymore, but instead, “the friend zone is problematic because it puts one person in the position of doing something wrong by not reciprocating feelings,” that is a different kettle of fish, but I would still disagree with you.  Friend zoning is not a bullshit term because ultimately, if there are two people, and one person likes the the person, and the other person doesn’t like them back except as a friend, it just happens.  Friend zoning describes a phenomenon, it isn’t an action by itself.  I don’t think that you are saying that the phenomenon that friend zoning describes is inherently bad.  By taking away the option to friend zone someone, it would mean that whenever someone expressed interest in you, you would either need to get with them or stop being friends with them.

(Source: wat-fok)

  1. thinx-of-a-xicana reblogged this from higu
  2. higu reblogged this from adaptable and added:
    i don’t have a rebuttal but i like this response so i’m REBLOGGIN’ IT. i feel like OP’s statement was pretty much...
  3. adaptable reblogged this from higu and added:
    I don’t think the concept of friend zoning is really equitable to racism or sexism—racism and sexism both rely on a...
  4. wat-fok reblogged this from hylia
  5. hylia reblogged this from adaptable and added:
    alright i think the friend zone in question here is more than just “asking someone out on a date” honestly, i think the...
  6. wat-fok posted this